The Fosters Musings
by lifesizehysteria
Summary: A collection of one-shots based on prompts I've received on Tumblr. This will be on going as I get the prompts and am able to write them. Each chapter is a single prompt and each prompt is complete. Most of the one-shots will be Stef/Lena-centric. If you have a prompt, feel free to send it in a private message.
1. Crushed

_**Prompt: Callie has a crush on Stef.**_

* * *

"You're sure?" Stef asked, still numb with shock.

"Yes. I overheard her telling Jude. Honestly, I'm more concerned about Jude. He got really angry, yelling about how they're going to get kicked out again. He has some serious trust issues. Maybe we should get him some counseling too. I think he might really benefit from it…" Lena trailed off, lost in the thought.

"Maybe he has a point."

"Please tell me you're kidding." Lena now the one looking shocked.

"What?" Stef said defensively.

"That's a little bit of an overreaction, don't you think? It's just a little crush."

Stef took a deep breath. "Yeah, okay. But what should we do?"

"Well, for now we ride it out. We don't have to worry about anything happening so for now we just wait to see if it passes. If it seems like she's not getting over it, we'll have to talk to her." Lena spoke matter-of-factly.

"So, that's probably why I can't seem to get a moment alone? Every time I turn around she's there, always needing to talk or just… watching." Stef covered her face with her hands, trying to rub the tension out of her forehead. "I thought she just wanted a mom," she said, woefully.

Lena laughed at her wife. "Looks like she wanted something else," she teased.

"Oh god," Stef wailed, burying her face in her hands. Lena chuckled again, wrapping her arms around her.

"Look, it's not that big of a deal. It happens. I've dealt with it many times at work and so have just about all of my co-workers. But there's not a better house she could have ended up in if these feelings are going to be part of her life. Just… make sure you set your boundaries." She rubbed circles in the middle Stef's back.

"I just… I don't get it. How could a 16 year old girl develop these kinds of feelings for me? What's the attraction?"

"When I was her age, I would have." Stef looked at her like she'd grown a third eye. "Honey, you're the most kind and loving person I have ever met. You have a never ending supply of affection. You are smart and silly and fair. And you are gorgeous. There is every reason in the world for a girl like Callie to fall for you. And any other person, for that matter." She winked playfully at her wife.

"Well, when you put it that way." Shaking her head, still in disbelief, she kissed Lena's cheek. "What is happening?"


	2. New Girl

_**Prompt: Stef is jealous of Lena's new assistant.**_

* * *

"Officer?" Stef stopped in her tracks and turned, searching for the source of the voice addressing her. "Can I help you?" The polite but stern voice was coming from a young woman behind the reception desk.

"You're new," Stef stated, walking back the few steps to the desk. She extended her hand over the desk to greet the other woman. Her long hair was a rich auburn, her skin perfectly sun-kissed. She looked up at Stef with bright blue eyes framed by long, thick eyelashes. Even sitting Stef could tell she was quite petite and she couldn't help but think that her pale yellow top was a bit low cut for working at a school.

"Yeah, I'm Maggie. I'm the new receptionist." Her hand was dainty in contrast to Stef's, the fingernails at the ends of her long fingers painted a glittering pink.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Stef-"

"Maggie, could you make thirty copies of this and put one in each of the mail boxes of the middle school teachers?" Lena hurried around the corner, a stack of files in one hand and a single sheet of paper waving from the other. She set the paper in front of Maggie before looking up, surprise sweeping across her face. "Oh hi, Stef." She walked around the desk and pecked Stef on the cheek. "Thanks Maggie."

"What's up?" Lena asked, closing the door behind her after leading Stef back to her office.

"Oh I was just dropping this off on my way to work." She held up a small packet of papers. "It's Jude's book report. He left it at home and Callie called and asked if I'd bring it for him. You'll make sure he gets it this morning?" She set the report on Lena's desk.

"Of course," Lena said, smiling. "Thanks for dropping it off. I'd hate for him to miss points on an assignment that he worked so hard on." Stef was perched on the edge of her desk and Lena closed the distance between them. She kissed her again, more affectionately now that they were in private.

"So your new receptionist…"

"Maggie? She's great! A really hard worker and so organized," Lena gushed. "I've never seen the office run so smoothly."

"I didn't know you were getting another receptionist."

"I didn't tell you? We had to replace Cooper. He moved out to Nevada. Last Friday was his last day." She leaned around Stef to set her files on the desk.

"Aw really? I liked him, too!" Stef said, disappointed.

"Me too. But Maggie is _phenomenal_."

"Hmm." Stef shrugged.

"What?"

"I don't know. She just seems a little young to be running the office by herself."

"I think she's almost thirty."

"Really? She barely looks eighteen."

"I know. I thought she was a student when I first met her." Lena chuckled.

"She's pretty," Stef said, trying to sound casual.

"You think so?"

"You don't?" Her eyebrows arched in disbelief.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, I just didn't really notice." She looked at her wife, confused. "Why?" Stef shrugged again and dropped her gaze to the floor.

A knowing smile spread across Lena's face. "Honey, are you… are you _jealous_?"

"What? No. Why would I be jealous?" She shook her head in denial and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Oh my god. You are!" Lena covered her mouth, trying to contain the laughter bubbling up in her throat. A blush bloomed in Stef's cheeks and she looked back down at the floor, smiling bashfully.

"Okay, maybe a little," she admitted, looking back up at Lena. "I know it's ridiculous. It's just… she's very pretty and I'm suddenly aware of the fact that I've had to start highlighting my hair to cover the gray ones. Not to mention the fact that I've breastfed a child." Stef chuckled, looking down at her chest. "My god, did you see those? It's like they're immune to gravity!"

Lena smiled as she wrapped her arms around Stef's waist, leaning against her. "You are absolutely adorable."

Stef let out a burst of laughter, surprised at her wife's reaction. "What makes you say that?"

"The fact that you think she has anything to offer that you don't have a hundred times over." A warmth spread over Stef as Lena kissed her tenderly; leisurely with a familiarity that came only with weaving two lives together for so long.

Reluctantly, Stef broke their embrace. "I have to get to work, love." Lena took a step back and Stef shifted her weight back onto the floor.

"Alright. I'll see you when you get home tonight. Will you stop and pick up milk on your way home?"

"Of course. Love you."

"I love you, too." Stef gave Lena another quick kiss before walking out into the main office. On her way out she stopped in front of the reception desk.

"It was nice to meet you, Maggie. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to properly introduce myself earlier." She looked her directly in the eye and smiled boldly as she spoke. "I'm Stef Adams-Foster. I'm Lena's wife."


	3. Red-Handed

**_Prompt: Lena and Stef get caught by one of the kids._**

**_A/N: This prompt was perfect. It let me indulge in my own wish for the second half of the season that probably won't happen. Weeks ago I posted this on tumblr: "If I don't get to see Lena and Stef making out in the kitchen because they're giddy newlyweds and a kid walking in on it at least once I'm going to be very upset." I literally could not have gotten a more perfect prompt. Also, this went a totally different direction than I was planning but I think it worked out nicely._**

**_Thanks to all of you for your reviews, follows, and favorites. It's been lovely to get such awesome love and feedback. _**

* * *

"Hey there, Mrs. Adams-Foster." Stef sauntered over to join her wife at the sink where she finished up the dishes from dinner. She had been standing in the door way watching her. As always, she admired her poise; the steady grace she naturally exuded. Stef loved the way it balanced her own sturdiness that could easily come across as unrefined. In fact, they differed in many ways that seemed to come together to make them each stronger than they would be individually. Lena's level-headedness to Stef's impetuous hot head. Her own sense of adventure to Lena's quiet reservation. They made each other better and that was something she was endlessly grateful for. And in the weeks since their wedding she'd been paying more attention to the qualities she had always loved most about her wife but that she had begun taking for granted as their lives fell into busy routine over the years.

"Thanks for cleaning up." She kissed Lena's temple before grabbing a towel and drying the first of a stack of clean plates.

"Thank _you_ for making dinner tonight. I'm sorry I got home so late."

"It's fine, sweetheart. How was your meeting?"

"A joke," Lena answered, her curls bouncing as she shook her head in frustration. "We got nothing accomplished because two of the board members wouldn't stop bickering over an issue that didn't even need to discussed tonight! Which of course means we have to have another meeting next week. I just wish they'd start acting like adults, get the budget set, and stop wasting our time." She sighed heavily.

"Can't you throw them out or something if they're holding up the process so much?" Stef asked, ever the problem-solver.

"When one of them is President of the Board? Unfortunately, no." Having finished the last of the dirty dishes, Lena wiped her hands dry. She picked up the stack of plates Stef had dried and put them in the cupboard.

"Sorry, love," Stef said, pursing her lips sympathetically. Lena shrugged, grateful just to have someone to vent to. She used a damp dish towel to wipe down the kitchen table. As she leaned to reach the far side, Stef enjoyed the smooth curve of her backside. "Those jeans look great on you," she said.

"Thanks, babe." Lena looked back over her shoulder, smiling; always appreciative of Stef's endless compliments. But the smile dropped instantly, her eyes widening. Stef held her towel by the corners in each hand, twirling the length of it tightly. A devilish gleam danced in her eyes. "Stefanie Foster, don't you dare."

Stef grinned, flashing white teeth at her wife who glared dangerously back at her. "It's Adams-Foster, thank you," she said as she let one end of the towel go, flicking hard with her right hand. Lena moved to dodge but not quite fast enough and the towel made contact with a loud THWAP. She let out a shriek and backed up, rubbing the stinging spot.

"Stef, no!" She said through anxious giggles, retreating further from Stef who was readying her towel again. Stef stalked her around the table. "STEF!" she shouted when she snapped her towel again, this time connecting with her thigh. She hissed at the sting before looking up at her wife. "Oh, you are in for it now," she warned. Lena twisted her towel between her hands, her jaw set, her eyes flashing darkly as she worked to disguise the smile pulling at her lips. She stepped backward, leading Stef further around the table slowly. Then, abruptly changing direction before Stef could react, she stepped toward her and let the towel fly. It connected with the left side of her abdomen and Stef let out a hiss as she clutched the spot, doubling over in pain. "Oh my god, Stef! I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Lena dropped her towel and rushed to her wife, who continued to howl in pain. "Honey, I'm so sorry. Oh god. Let me see." Guilt ripped through her as she pushed Stef's hands away, pulling up her shirt to look at her healing wound. As she examined it suddenly Stef spun her so she was pinned between her and the kitchen table. She straightened, looking up at her wife confused. "Stef, wh-" Stef's mouth covered her own, forcing her to swallow the rest of her question. Still confused, she pulled back, searching her wife's smiling face.

"Honey, I'm fine. It was a joke." Stef chuckled but Lena was less than amused. She swatted Stef's shoulder.

"You complete ass," she admonished, trying desperately not to give in to the display of innocence coming from her partner.

"I had to do _something_. I know how you are when you get competitive. It was either that or tackle you and I didn't think you'd appreciate that on the hardwood floor. Really, I was looking out for you."

Lena shook her head at Stef's continued angelic mockery. With her eyebrows arched high, she wore her most stern, disciplinary look. "If you _ever_ do that again, I will personally give you a hole on the other side to match," she said, poking her finger into Stef's chest to make her point.

"Okay, love," Stef whispered. She gently rubbed her nose against Lena's and pulled her a little closer. "I promise," she said against her lips. "I'm sorry for scaring you." She covered Lena's mouth with her own again, tenderly this time. Lena closed her eyes, relaxing into the embrace, instantly forgiving. She wound her arms around Stef's neck, leaning in closer. As their kisses grew passionate, Stef lifted her effortlessly onto the table. Standing between her legs, she kissed her way down her neck. Her hands gripped Lena's butt and she pulled her firmly against her. Lena's hands found their way into Stef's blonde hair while Stef unbuttoned her silk blouse. She tilted her head back, a quiet moan escaping as her wife pushed her hands around her ribs and her mouth explored the soft flesh above her bra. She began to grow dizzy with want. They were definitely going to need to finish this. Just as she was about to suggest they go upstairs, a sound from behind them made them both freeze.

"Euugh, moms!" Brandon groaned disgustedly from the doorway. "We _eat_ there." Neither of them moved until they heard his footsteps fade away. Finally, they slowly turned to look at each other and erupted into a fit of sheepish giggles.


	4. Ticketed

_**Prompt: Stef pulls Lena over just to mess with her.**_

* * *

When Lena saw red and blue lights flashing in her rearview mirror she rolled her eyes, sighing deeply. She wouldn't expect anything less from this long, terrible day. All she wanted to do was get home, put on her pajamas, and open a bottle of wine. She pulled over slowly, trying to remember if she'd been speeding. She didn't think so, but her mind was occupied with work and she couldn't be sure. She rolled down her window, inwardly searching for patience, and reached over to the glove compartment for her registration.

"Is there a problem, officer?" She dug in her purse for her license.

"Yeah. Sorry, Ma'am, but I'm going to have to ticket you for excessive cuteness," said a familiar voice. "Also for driving while intoxicatingly beautiful." Lena shook her head, relieved.

"Did you just 'Ma'am' me?" She asked incredulously, though she couldn't suppress the flattered smile. The officer's face broke into apologetic laughter.

"Sorry, honey. I thought it sounded more official, you know?" She laughed at herself and Lena couldn't help but laugh, too. Accompanied by a slight eye roll. Stef, her new girlfriend, was a cop with the cheesiest sense of humor and a love for practical jokes. They'd only been dating for two months but Lena already knew she was in deep. She'd been in love more times than she could count. That was the lesbian way, after all, wasn't it? Fall in love first, ask questions later? But this time was different. She had never felt like this before and there was no stopping it; no way to escape. No matter what the future would bring, she knew that Stef Foster would have her heart forever. It no longer belonged to her.

"Can I see your license and registration, please?"

"Really?" Lena asked when Stef put her hand out expectantly. "I thought this was a joke," Lena said, confused.

"It is." Stef flashed her a reassuring smile that made her stomach flutter. "Well, you do have a brake light out. That was my excuse to pull you over," Stef winked at her. "But my partner's in the car so I have to make this look official." Lena handed over her license and registration. As she waited while Stef wrote on her ticket pad, Lena could feel her frustration from the day fade. It was amazing the calming effect just Stef's presence had on her. She watched her girlfriend who caught her eye and smiled at her while she worked. She wished she could kiss her. Actually, she wanted to pull her by her shoulders through the open window and tear off her uniform. They'd been intimate for the first time just a few weeks ago and it had been pretty much non-stop since then. They had taken things slow for a while as Stef adjusted to being out. It was still an on-going process and though Lena occasionally found herself frustrated having to go through the coming out process again, she worked to remember how hard those initial steps could be. She was just glad she could be there to help guide her through it. But when Stef had finally let her desire overcome her fears, she was like a starving person at a feast. She was completely insatiable. And so was Lena. Never before had someone sparked such a passion inside of her and she certainly wasn't complaining.

"Do you have any plans tonight, babe?"

"Just a date with a bottle of wine. Why?" She asked, hopeful for an invitation.

"Just wondering," Stef said, shrugging casually. She scrawled something across the ticket before ripping it off of the pad and handing it to Lena, along with her license and registration. "That's the kind of light you need for your brake light. If you pick it up I can change it for you."

"Thanks," Lena said. Disappointment that she was going home to an empty house started to settle in.

"See you later, sweetheart. I love you." Stef smiled giddily at her. She still always smiled like a fool whenever she told Lena she loved her. Lena wondered if there would come a day when she'd be used to saying it and not smile like that. She hoped not.

"I love you, too." She blew her a tiny kiss. Stef winked in return before turning away. Lena watched her saunter back to the squad car in the side mirror. She always exuded such confidence. Even when she was terrified she always challenged her fears head on. It was one of the many things Lena found irresistible about her. As the police car pulled away Lena turned the ticket over in her hands. Reading it, she covered her mouth to quiet the girlish laughter that escaped in surprise. The type of bulb she needed was neatly printed at the top of the paper. Underneath that, scribbled in half-cursive was another note. _Tonight, my place. 8 o'clock. Bring the bottle of wine. Don't bother with panties._


	5. Ticking Clock

_**Prompt: Stef not taking Lena seriously and hurting her feelings when Lena says she wants to have a baby.**_

* * *

"I think I want to have a baby," Lena said, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. They were on their way home from visiting their friends who just had a baby two weeks ago. As Lena had held the infant, listening to him coo softly at her and the hiccupping cries that came when he grew hungry, she had been overwhelmed. Holding a person so small and delicate – it had made a familiar ache she'd long suppressed come roaring back to life.

"What?" Her wife Stef said, surprised.

"I think I want to have a baby," she repeated.

Stef snorted in laughter. "Because our five children aren't enough?" she said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I guess," Lena said. She turned to stare out the window. As the buildings and trees passed by in a blur, she tried to stifle the anger that was suddenly smoldering inside of her. Stef appeared oblivious to the tension as they spent the rest of the drive in silence; Lena nursing the hurt caused by her wife's glib comment. When they reached the house, before the car was even off Lena got out without saying a word. Slamming the door behind her, she stormed into the house. She went upstairs to their bedroom and slammed that door as well. Sure that Stef would be up any moment wanting answers, she paced around the room while trying to force her mind to form complete thoughts but the boiling anger made it impossible.

Within minutes she heard the door open and click shut again. She stopped pacing and stood with her back to her wife; staring out the window.

"Lena, what's wrong?" Lena closed her eyes, frustrated at her inability to speak through her emotions. "_Lena_," Stef pressed. She took a deep breath and forced her voice to work.

"Of course our children are enough," she said quietly.

"Honey, I was joking," Stef said. Lena could hear the confusion in her voice.

"I know. But I wasn't."

"Lena, what are you talking about?" Stef asked desperately. Lena sighed and turned to face her wife.

"I wasn't joking. I want to have a baby." She looked down at the floor, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable.

"Sweetheart, I…" Stef stammered, dumbfounded. "I feel like this is coming out of nowhere. Is it just because we saw April and Jack's son?"

"No. I mean, that's part of it. But I've been thinking about this for a while. I'm going to lose my chance if I don't do it soon. I'm already too old for a lot of fertility clinics but I think I'd like to try."

Stef sat on the edge of the bed. Her brows were drawn together and there was bewilderment in her eyes. Clearly she hadn't seen this coming. Lena sat in front of her on the window seat, feeling anxious but also slightly relieved. "Lena, do you really want to go through all of that again? The late night feedings and the diapers? The crying and the spit up and potty training?" Lena looked down again, an ache deep in her chest. Her chin wobbled and she pressed her lips together, adamantly fighting the urge to cry.

"Stef…" She paused. Looking back up at her wife she was overwhelmed with sadness. "I never went through any of that." Stef's face contorted and she shook her head as she readied herself to disagree.

"What do you mean you didn't-" She stopped herself and Lena could see her thinking. Her mouth opened then closed, confusion furrowing her brow. Lena pursed her lips and waited for her to understand. Finally, realization swept across her face and she hung her head, sighing deeply. "Sweetheart. I'm…" She looked at Lena, regret swimming in her eyes. "I'm so sorry. We met when Brandon was so little. I guess it all just blended together in my mind. We've been through so much together it's hard for me to even remember my life without you." Their knees brushed together when Stef leaned forward and took Lena's hands in her own. "I am so sorry, love."

Lena sighed. Her anger had already subsided, leaving an empty anguish in the pit of her stomach. "I know." She squeezed Stef's hands, hoping to silently communicate what she was struggling to put into words. "Sometimes I almost forget I wasn't there. But when I'm reminded that I wasn't, I'm overwhelmed with an emptiness that I can't fill. I think about Brandon and the twins, about how lucky I've been to have such amazing kids. And now with Callie and Jude I wonder how I could possibly want more than what we've already been blessed with. But it doesn't seem to matter how guilty or selfish or ungrateful it makes me feel, I can't stop wishing I'd gotten to have just one set of firsts. I don't love our children less because I don't have those memories. I just feel like I've missed out on a part of motherhood that other people take for granted." She looked down at their clasped hands through blurry eyes, desperately trying to blink back the tears. Stef moved to sit beside her and Lena let her pull down her against her chest.

Enveloped in the strong arms of the only person she ever allowed to see her so vulnerable, Lena wept. For the first time she allowed herself to completely experience the heartache and the guilt that heartache caused which she had tried to ignore for so long. The sounds of her ragged breathing and occasional sniffling were all that disturbed the silence in the room. All of the reasons she was terrible for wanting to have a baby swirled around her mind. Each one fueling her guilt, twisting her heart painfully, and dragging more silent sobs from her chest.

Stef held her tight; one hand rubbing soothing circles against her back. Lena could feel her cheek resting against the top of her head and every so often she pressed a kiss into her black curls. Her wife's silent support brought her comfort. Being encompassed by the person she trusted most acted as a physical barrier; providing her a safe place without question and without expectation. Since they'd met Stef seemed to instinctively understand when Lena could talk and when she needed space to sort things out herself and she never tried to force it when Lena wasn't ready.

Finally, when the tears slowed, her sobs turning to hiccups, she wiped the lingering tears from her cheeks. "Does this make me a bad parent?" she whispered, as though the quieter she spoke the less true it would be.

"No. Absolutely not," Stef said definitively. "Lena, look at me." She sat up obediently, looking at her wife through her burning, swollen eyes. "You are not capable of being a bad parent. Your love for our children has nothing to do with wanting to experience childbirth. Feeling like you've missed out on that doesn't invalidate your role as a mother and giving birth to a child does not make it more your child than our adopted children. Being a mother is about love and it doesn't matter how a child comes into your life. You will love and protect any child we bring into this house fiercely and wholly no matter what. I've never been more sure of anything. Okay?" Stef smiled reassuringly and Lena sighed, nodding her head. Guilt still knotted her stomach but less so with Stef's affirmation. A stray tear slid down her cheek and Stef tenderly wiped it away with her thumb.

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry for hurting your feelings. I really didn't mean to. I had no idea you were so upset about this."

"I know," Lena said with a shaky smile.

"Is this really something you want to do? Babies are expensive – even more so for us. And we're quickly running out of room in this house. But if it's what you want." Stef rubbed her wrist gently and Lena watched the steady motion, transfixed.

"I'd at least like to look into it."

"Okay," Stef said resolutely. "Then we will." Her warm hand cupped Lena's cheek and she kissed her softly. She rested her forehead against Lena's, rubbing their noses together. Warmth spread through Lena, the tension slowly releasing from her shoulders. She was just settling into the solace when out of nowhere Stef started to giggle.

"What?" Lena looked curiously at the smile shining her wife's face.

"I'm imagining you pregnant. You are going to be adorable." A matching smile beamed from her own face. She squealed ecstatically as she threw her arms around Stef's neck and kissed her passionately, wishing they could start trying right there.


	6. Mistletoe

**A/N: Mature Content**

* * *

I check my watch for the twelfth time in ten minutes before returning to stare at the handle of the oversized wooden front door. I can't stop my legs from bouncing while I sit on the staircase waiting for Lena to get home. I pull them up and wrap my arms around my knees. I'm so nervous I could puke. I've never done anything like this before. What if she hates it or thinks it's weird that I came in when she wasn't home? She gave me the key two weeks ago but what if it's too soon to just let myself in? I can't shake the worries that keep running loops in my head but I had to take the risk. I've never messed up like this before and I feel so guilty for letting my insecurities hurt her. She's so good and kind and her support has been endless. I could live a hundred lives as a saint and not deserve Lena Adams. I'm so angry at myself for being so stupid.

The sound of her car pulling up comes muffled through the door and I can feel my knees shaking as I stand up. I clasp my hands in front of me while I wait, desperately trying to ignore the somersaults going on in the pit of my stomach. It's too quiet and I resist the urge to run out the door to her. Finally the car door thuds and the clicking of her footsteps gradually grows louder. It comes to a stop and I watch the deadbolt turn after the metallic sound of her key sliding into the lock. The door swings open slowly.

"Oh god!" Lena startles before recognition comes to her eyes. I try to stifle a chuckle, a nervous habit I've always hated.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," Lena says. Her hand is on her chest. "I saw your car outside. I just wasn't expecting you to be right inside the door." As she breathes deeply to settle her nerves I walk over to her. My knees are still shaky.

"I have a surprise for you." I try to play it cool; to sound casual. But as I stand in front of her I catch her perfume, delicate and warm. It smells so much like her and the familiarity makes me feel clingy and sappy. She tilts her head to the side and it makes me smile because I've noticed she always does it when she's curious.

"You do?"

"Mhmm. And scaring the shit – er… scaring you when you got home wasn't it. Just a bonus." I wink at her and when she smiles it's laced with pride. She's proud of me for something as minor as catching my poor language. To anybody else it wouldn't even register but because I'm doing it for her, she's proud of me. And I'd do anything to make her proud. I'm addicted to it. She makes me better and nothing feels as good as living up to her expectations. Which makes the way I acted last night so much worse.

"What's the surprise?" Lena asks, anticipation in her eyes. She follows my gaze to the ceiling and the look on her face when she sees the bundle of mistletoe over her head is so sweet I swear my heart could burst. I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around her tiny waist. She looks at me and there is nothing but forgiveness in her eyes. Even if I left everything unsaid she would have already let it go. Her understanding only makes the guilt grip my stomach harder.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"I know. I shouldn't have let it get to me. It's okay."

"No, Lena. It's not. I freaked out over something so stupid and you deserve better from me. I don't want you to think I'm ashamed of you or of us. I'm not. I'm just still getting used to all of it. I'm so sorry."

"I know, Stef. I shouldn't have pushed you. You've come so far since coming out. I should have asked you if you were comfortable instead of just assuming you'd be okay since it was a party with so many gay couples. I'm just as much at fault. I'm sorry."

I shake my head in utter disbelief. "_I_ freaked out because you wanted to kiss me under the mistletoe at a holiday party full of people who wouldn't have batted an eye and _you're_ apologizing? God, I will never know how someone so good could love me." There is a softness in her eyes that makes my insides melt.

"You're not so bad yourself, you know," she says and the smile that accompanies her words breaks my last ounce of restraint and draws me in. I slide my hand beneath her hair to her neck and gently pull her to me. As our lips meet I feel her arms wrap around my neck and she leans in to me. Her lips are warm and sweet. Actually sweet; like strawberries. Every time I kiss her and taste her lip balm I wonder how I survived an entire lifetime deprived of strawberry kisses. Now I can't even go a day without them.

Her full, strawberry lips slide against mine and the tenderness of it, the tenderness of _her_ makes my already shaky knees weak. I have to pull back to keep them from giving out. She thinks I'm strong but it's all an act. She doesn't know it but this woman could drop me to my knees with a single breath.

"Thank you for this," she tells me. Her brown eyes are sparkling up at me and I know that I don't have to worry anymore about last night. I still haven't quite figured out how her anger works. She seems to just suddenly explode with no warning. But as suddenly as she can be angry, she forgives just as easily.

"You're welcome but it's not over."

"It's not?"

I shake my head and suddenly I'm brimming excitement. I can feel the stupid grin on my face as I slide my hand down into hers and our fingers lace together. Leading her by the hand, I pull her over to the doorway to the living room. She bumps into me, not expecting me to stop just steps from the front door. I pull her with one arm against me and she laughs against my lips when I kiss her. It only takes her a beat to catch up to me. I feel her body relax into mine and her hands come to rest on either of my hips, urging me closer.

"Where's the rest of my surprise?" she mutters mid-kiss.

"You're standing under it," I tell her and she breaks away to peer up at the bundle of mistletoe hanging from this doorway.

"Just how much mistletoe is in this house, exactly?" she asks me, her eyes narrowing. I try to look casual but I'm so relieved she's happy that I can't keep that damn smile off of my face.

"I don't know. Why don't we go find out?" This time I let her lead. Her eyes are on the ceiling and she stops in the doorway to the kitchen. "More already?" I tease as she turns toward me.

"Mhmm. Whoever hung all of these must have been very desperate." Her comment catches me off guard and I can't contain my burst of laughter. I never know when this feisty side is going to come out but I love when it does. The first time I ever saw this side of her I knew I was in trouble. She plays this calm and collected character but under the surface there's a raging fire and that's what I fell in love with.

She surprises me again when she grabs my face and pulls me in, kissing me fiercely; forcing me to swallow my laughter. My stomach flutters and my mind goes black. I just feel her warm lips, her tongue against mine, her hand that has moved down to my neck. Just as I break through the surprise and catch up to her, she stops as abruptly as she started. A whimper of disappointment escapes from my throat and Lena cocks an eyebrow. "Definitely desperate."

I laugh because I can't deny it and when she takes my hand to lead me through the kitchen there's a swagger in her normally brisk stride. I think she must be on to me; must know how desperate I am for her. How much I want to please her, how tightly my heart is wound around her fingers. I guess I'm not as good at pretending to be tough as I thought. When she kisses me beneath the doorway leading back to the entryway she must know from the way I cling to her. She must feel my hands shake; must taste the helplessness on my lips.

"Is there more?" she asks when we are back in the entry way where we started.

"Mhm." I glance toward the stairs and her eyes follow.

"Was that there when I came home? How did I miss it?" She shakes her head and her hair ripples gently down her back.

"You were distracted by all of this," I say, indicating my body, exaggerating the flirtation. I gave up trying to be genuinely flirtatious long ago. Fortunately, Lena finds my humor charming; for reasons I'll never understand.

"That could do it." Lena laughs as she says it but when she pulls me over to the stairs beneath the mistletoe at the bottom, her lower lip is between her teeth and the look in her eyes takes my breath away. She presses the length of her body against me and I hold my breath when she hovers her mouth so close to mine. She's watching as she tortures me. The corners of her mouth turn up in a devilish smile. Impatient, I try to catch her lips with mine but she pulls away. When I relent she comes back, so close this time I can feel her breath on my lips and I swear my heart is going to pummel its way out of my chest. The tension makes my skin tingle and when she finally presses her lips to mine a shiver shoots down my spine and explodes in a ball of heat in my stomach. I can feel her hand on my cheek, her thumb caressing it so softly, and I grip her waist to hold myself steady as my head spins.

Leaving me with a final peck, she guides me up the stairs. She stops at the top, kissing me deeply though I've not hung any mistletoe here. Heat scorches through me when I feel her hands slip into the back pockets of my jeans. I tug the bottom of her blouse out of her pencil skirt. Her skin is warm beneath my hands and so smooth and soft. I kiss the spot beneath her ear and my hand settles in the valley at the small of her back. I love this spot. I don't know why, there's just something about how feminine it is that always draws me to it.

Lena runs her hands around to the front of my hips and up my chest to wind her arms around my neck. I search for her lips again. She nips my bottom lip and it breaks me. I can feel myself losing control when I push up her skirt and lift her from the floor. She wraps her legs around my hips and I carry her down the hallway to her bedroom, our heated embrace unbroken. When we reach the bedroom I press her against the doorframe. There's more mistletoe here and though we're no longer playing my little game, it feels right to complete the whole process. I press my lips to her jaw, her neck, the hard surface of her chest revealed above the neckline of her blouse. Her hands are tangled deep in my hair, her fingers pulling at it.

I take her to the bed and place her in the center. She wastes no time, pulling at the buttons of my shirt while returning my urgent kisses. We break when I pull her silk blouse over her head and I can see her lips are swelling pink. As I kneel between her legs, I shake my shirt from my shoulders and toss it so it joins hers on the floor before I strip her of the rest of her clothes. Her body is long and lean, her muscles trim. And yet she's not angular as I would expect of someone so slender. Her body is made of slopes and gentle curves that rise and fall smoothly in the same way as the melody of a lullaby.

I hope she can't feel the slight tremble in my hands as they touch her. I'm still trying to pretend I'm confident and strong but just the sight of her causes an earthquake in the depths of my soul. How do you stand tall when a force so powerful turns your world on its head? In this moment I succumb to my weakness, accept that I will never again rule my own heart and as I press my lips to the flesh between her breasts I am sure that no downfall has ever been so sweet.

Savoring the taste of her skin, I make my way back to her lips. I am met with desperation; with a fierceness that I've never seen from her. Lena is usually slow and controlled. I'm usually the one who pushes for more and I'm surprised by how much her passion fuels my own desire.

I kiss beneath her chin and she pushes her head back to allow better access. My path back down her body is direct. I use my hands to play and tease while my mouth focuses on its destination. Her belly sinks in, forming a deep canyon as my breath washes over it, causing her to inhale sharply. I press her legs wider, my hands now on the backs of her thighs. I look up at her, over the hills and valleys of her body, and see her watching me. Despite myself, I still get nervous about this. I still worry that I'm not good enough, that my lack of experience will turn her off and scare her away. But she smiles at me and reaches one hand down her side for me to hold.

I lace our fingers together and she squeezes my hand. The silent encouragement is all I need. I lay a kiss to her clit, so light she almost won't feel it. I flit my tongue across it before pressing more kisses to the dark surrounding flesh. When I draw my tongue up the length of her, she lets out a quiet moan. The sound spurs me on and I pull her in between my lips, sucking gently. I flick the tip of my tongue over her clit before I let it slide from my mouth and each flick makes Lena's body spasm. I play with her, doing what I know she's liked before, repeating things she reacts to now. Every sign that she's enjoying it encourages me. It doesn't take long until she grows slick and it mixes with the wetness from my tongue. Her body reacting to me is always so erotic. The way her breath catches in her throat, the involuntary muscle contractions, how she grips and pulls at me, the throaty groans she can't stifle – all of it stirs something in me I never thought possible. A depth of desire I thought was fiction. It takes over now and I lose myself in her. She rocks against my mouth as I press the flat of my tongue against her. I slide it against her clit over and over quickly and she presses down toward me. Her free hand finds its way to my hair, pulling me in closer. Her breathing is loud and short, filling the room, punctuated by random moans. She strains hard against me, her body frozen in the midst of a trembling quake, her hand a vice around mine. I continue my pace until a primal sound presses into my ears and her body sinks deep into the mattress.

Our fingers are still laced but the muscles in her hand, along with the rest in her body have lost all tension. I pull myself up so that I can lay my head on her belly. I close my eyes, listen to her breathing, feel my head bob with each of her shallow breaths. As I trace a random pattern along the length of her forearm I am unaware of time. We could lay here for a minute or a year and I wouldn't know the difference. I feel her start to laugh before I hear it and I pick my head up to look at her.

"What's so funny?" I ask. There's warmth in her eyes beneath her heavy eyelids when she looks at me. She picks up a limp hand and points to the ceiling over the bed; a crooked, satisfied smile on her face.

"More mistletoe."


End file.
